Garden State

So, this is my favorite movie of all times. I feel so strongly for this movie that it makes it very hard to even state a comment without being biased, so I'll let you see it by yourselves. If you haven't seen it, please cancel all your plans for tonight! ;)

(Large is riding his motorcycle and gets pulled over by a cop)

Kenny (cop): Put your hands on your head, please.

Andrew Largeman: What?

Kenny: I said put your motherfucking hands on your head! Please. (Cop approaches) Eighty-two in a 25! What are you gonna tell me, you're late or just tired?

Andrew Largeman: I was...

Kenny: Shut the fuck up! (looks at him) Largeman!

Andrew Largeman: Kenny?

Kenny: Holy shit! Oh, man. How you doing?

Andrew Largeman: I'm... I'm great.

Kenny:  Your mom just died!

Andrew Largeman: I know.

Kenny: I mean, that's why you're home.

Andrew Largeman: Yeah. Yup. You're a cop, Kenny?

Kenny:  Yeah, I know. I know.

Andrew Largeman: Why?

Kenny: I don't know. Couldn't think of anything better to do. No, but it's really cool though, man. People really listen to you. I mean... they have to! Yo, and check this shit out. (pulls out his gun) That's the safety.

Andrew Largeman: Oh, cool.

Kenny: And plus, the benefits, man. If I get shot, I'm like...rich!

Andrew Largeman: But, Kenny, the last time I saw you, you were doing coke lines off a urinal.

Kenny: (covers his ears and with an idiotic face sings) # La, la, la, la ## No, I had to grow up, man. It's time to grow up. Plus, I wasn't making shit in that fish market. No one knew who I was, couldn't get laid. It's a much better situation for me, man. Speaking of which, um, how'd I do?

Andrew Largeman: What do you mean?

Kenny: I don't know. You know, just the whole...

Andrew Largeman: You mean, like, as a cop?

Kenny:  Yeah. The whole, "Shut the fuck up!"

Andrew Largeman: Well, I thought you were a dick, so I guess that's good.

Kenny: Nice. So, what the fuck, man? You're this huge movie star now? I heard you did some...you played a big football player or something. I didn't see it.

Andrew Largeman:  It was just this thing...

Kenny:  Fucking De Niro and shit.

Andrew Largeman: What?

Kenny: He's awesome.

Andrew Largeman: Yeah.

Kenny: Deer Hunter?

Andrew Largeman: Yeah.

Kenny: Man, we should sit down and we should talk... because I've got some really good ideas for movies. You could play me and shit. Poof!Stories from the Force.

Andrew Largeman: Yeah.Yeah, definitely. That sounds good.

(Tim, Mark, Mark’s mom and Andrew at the kitchen table)

Mark's Mom: Tim can speak Klingon.

Tim: No, I can’t.

Mark's Mom: Yes, you can.

Mark: What the fuck is Klingon?

Andrew: Like the ‘Star Treck’ guys?

Mark's Mom: Yeah, he can speak their language.

Tim: She’s kidding.

Mark's Mom: No, I’m not… Why are you being shy?

Mark: Yeah, don’t be shy, Tim.

Tim: It’s just… It’s made up. This guy who works as a wizard at work is a Trekkie.. I don’t…

Mark’s Mom:  Don't be shy, Tim, tell them what you said to me last night.

Tim: No...

Mark: Say what you said to her last night!

Tim: [In Klingon] Kentar petiki maia, al fooksu.

Mark: You gotta be kidding me.

Mark's Mom: It means " I like to mate after battle."

Tim: That isn't what I said.

Mark's Mom: Yeah...

Tim: No, that wasn't the one I said! This one means "Kill Kirk".... and also, "hallelujah", depending on the context...

(With Sam at the waiting room, in the clinic)

Sam: I recognize you.
Andrew: Oh, did you go to Columbia High?
Sam: No, not from high school, from TV. Did you play the retarded quarterback?
Andrew: Yeah.
Sam: Are you really retarded?
Andrew: No.
Sam: Cool. Great job, man. I mean, I thought you were really retarded. You’re just as good as that Corky kid, and he’s actually retarded. I mean, if there’s some sort of, like, retarded Oscars, you would win, like, hands down, kick his ass.

 ...

Sam: Oh, my God. That scene… That last scene... where you give the speech to the whole stadium...  and your dad... oh, your dad gives you the thumbs up.  Aw. That was, like...  That was emotional.  So, you got anything else coming out?

Andrew Largeman: No. You know, I'm auditioning...

Sam:  I can't believe you're not really retarded.

Doctor: You know, our bodies are capable of doing some very funny things... when they're consumed with stress and anxiety. Uh... I found my ex-best friend's cuff links in my wife's purse. I couldn't get an erection for a year and a half...for example.

Andrew Largeman: Do you lie a lot?
Sam: What do you consider a lot?
Andrew Largeman: Enough for people to call you a liar.
Sam: People call me lots of things..
Andrew Largeman: Is one of them liar?
Sam: I could say no but how would you know I’m not lyin'?

Andrew Largeman: I could choose to trust you.

Sam: Can you do that?

Andrew Largeman: I can try.

(Large and Sam standing in front of Sam’s house, about to get in)

Sam: Okay. You ready?

Andrew Largeman: I'll be fine. Am I the first boy you've ever brought home?

Sam: No. But, um...  I lied to you before when I told you my boyfriend drives a Ninja.

Andrew Largeman:  He doesn't drive a bike?

Sam:  No, I don't have a boyfriend. But, you know, he might drive a Ninja. Wherever he is.

Andrew Largeman: Wow. We're off to a great start.

Sam: OK, so, sometimes I lie... I mean, I'm weird man. About random stuff too. I don't even know why I do it. It's like... it's like a tick. I mean, sometimes I hear myself say something and think, "Wow, that wasn't even remotely true".

Andrew Largeman: So, how do people know what’s real?

Sam: Well, I always feel bad afterward and admit them when they’re lies. Can you trust that?

Andrew Largeman: Open the door.

(Large and Sam in Sam’s room)

Sam: You're, like, so freaked out right now. You're running for the door. It's okay. You can go. Don't feel bad. It's really...

Andrew Largeman:  Stop doing that.

Sam:  What?

Andrew Largeman: The whole thing you just did. I wanna be here. If I didn't, I wouldn't be. Trust me, my family is way more fucked up than yours. Okay?

Sam: Ok. And this is Tickle.

Andrew Largeman:  What is Tickle?

Sam: Tickle's my favorite thing in the whole world. It's all that's left of Nanny, my blanket.

Andrew Largeman:  Tickle's all that remains.

Sam:  Mm-hmm.

Andrew Largeman: Was there like a hurricane or something?

Sam:  Shut up. No, I mean, I've had this since I was a baby. It's what they brought me home in from the hospital.

Andrew Largeman:  It's like the Wailing Wall.

Sam:  What?

Andrew Largeman:  Uh, the Wailing Wall is like this, uh...It's like the most holy place for Jews to go and pray in Israel. It's all that's left of this enormous temple that was destroyed by the Romans.

Sam:  So you're like really Jewish.

Andrew Largeman: What?

Sam: You are, aren't you? You are.

Andrew Largeman:  No, I'm not. I mean, I'm Jewish, but I'm not really Jewish. I don't do anything Jewish. I don't go to temple or anything. But I don't know any Jews

that go to temple. The Jews I know, they go on one day. It's Yom Kippur, the Day of Repentance.

Sam: Okay.

Andrew Largeman: Did you know that most temples are built with moveable walls... so that on the one day of the year when everyone comes to repent... they can actually make the room big enough to hold everyone?

Sam: I don't really believe in God.

Andrew Largeman:  Just Tickle.

Sam:  Oh, I believe in Tickle.

Sam: You know what I do when I feel completely unoriginal?

Andrew Largeman: What?

Sam: (stands up and makes these very ridiculous movements) # La, blah, blah Blah, la, la ## I make a noise or I do something that no one has ever done before. And then I can feel unique again even if it's only for like a second.

Andrew Largeman: So, no one's ever done that?

Sam:  No, not in this spot. No. You just witnessed a completely original moment in history.  It's refreshing. You should try it.

Andrew Largeman: Oh, no. Thanks.

Sam:  No, come on.

Andrew Largeman:  I think that was good enough for both of us.

Sam: Come on. What are you, shy? This is your one opportunity to do something... that no one has done before and that no one will copy again throughout human existence. A-And if nothing else, you'll be remembered as the one guy who ever did this. This one thing.

(Sam and Large while burying Jelly)

Andrew Largeman: Didn't really know you, Jelly. From what I hear, you were a good pet.  Little trouble with the wheel but...

Sam:  That's not funny. Jelly, you were a great pet.  I'm sorry I forgot to take the wheel out of your cage. I'm so, so sorry about that. Good-bye. I hope that you liked me.

Andrew Largeman: I don't know. It was the only thing I ever liked doing. Pretending to be someone else. I've been so out of it lately, the only parts I get offered are playing handicapped people.

Sam: That is not funny. Oh, come on. You gotta see that's a joke.If you can't laugh at yourself, life's gonna seem a whole lot longer than you'd like.

Andrew Largeman:  All right, so what are we laughing at you about?

Sam: Mm. I lied again.  I have epilepsy.

Andrew Largeman: Which part are we laughing about?

Sam:  I, um... I had a seizure at the law office where I work. And they told me their insurance wouldn't cover me unless I wore preventative covering.

Andrew Largeman: What's preventative covering?

Sam: The helmet I was wearing. Oh, come on! That's funny. That's really funny. I mean, I'm the only person who wears a helmet to work... who isn't, like, putting out fires, or, like, racing for NASCAR. Well, what do you do? I mean, I can't quit. Their insurance is amazing.  What do you do? You laugh, you know? I'm not saying I don't cry. But in-between, I laugh. And I realize how silly it is to take anything too seriously. Plus, I look forward to a good cry. Feels pretty good.

Andrew Largeman: I haven't cried since I was a little kid. I didn't cry at my mother's funeral. I tried, you know? I thought of all the saddest things I could think of. Like, things in movies, this...There's this image from Life magazine that's always haunted me. I just focused in on it, you know? But nothing came.That actually made me sadder than anything... the fact that I just felt so numb.

Sam: What do you mean?

Andrew Largeman: Just that...

(Sam and Large at the pool)

Andrew Largeman: There's a handful of normal kid things I kind of missed.

Sam:  There's a handful of normal kid things I kind of wish I'd missed.

Andrew Largeman: You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your shit that idea of home is gone.

Sam: I still feel at home in my house.

Andrew Largeman: You'll see when you move out. It just sort of happens one day, one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I don't know maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start. It's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.

(Jesse, Mark, Large and Sam in front of the fireplace)

Sam: Why did they send you away?

Jesse: Oh. Listen to this girl.

Andrew Largeman: They didn't "send me away."

Mark: You just said they sent you away.

Andrew Largeman: I mean, they sent me away. They sent me to boarding school. "Sent me away" sounds like I went to some asylum or something. There were no straps involved.

Sam: Why did they send you to boarding school?

Andrew Largeman: They sent me to boarding school because... they thought I might be dangerous.  "Oh, are you freaked out? You're like running for the door. You can go. It's okay. Don't feel bad."

Sam: That's really funny. It's really funny. Why would they think you'd be dangerous?

Jesse:  You're like a little detective.

Andrew Largeman:  Want to know?

Sam: Yeah.

Mark: You're gay.

Andrew Largeman: No. Drumroll. I was the reason she was in a wheelchair. I pushed her. So there that is.

Sam: Shut up!

Mark:  Fuck off.

Andrew Largeman:  No. That's the truth.

Sam: Why?

Andrew Largeman: It was just a complete freak accident, you know? It's one of those things you replay a million times in your head and you see how clearly it was just a complete freak thing.  My-My whole life, she was depressed for no reason. And... one day, you know...I was a little kid. I was nine years old...and I just hated her for that. And... I pushed her. And it was innocent. I was just completely frustrated. 'Cause...

Sam: 'Cause you couldn't make her happy?

Andrew Largeman:  Yeah! Fuck, yeah! And any other time, you know...any other day, she would have just yelled at me and sent me to my room. But this day... on this particular day the door of the dishwasher had fallen open the latch on it was broken. And it would just randomly fall open. That fuckin' latch, you know. It's really amazing how much of my life has been determined by a quarter-inch piece of plastic. But... So, anyway, she, uh... she fell back over the door... and, uh, hit her neck on the kitchen counter, paralyzing her from the waist down.

Sam: Wow.

Andrew Largeman:  Still want to compare fucked-up families?

Jesse: But your mom was in the wheelchair long before you left.

Andrew Largeman: Yeah. Well, I was nine. So they sent me to therapy and put me on these drugs...  that were supposed to "curb my anger", and I've been on some form of them ever since.  And when I was 16, my psychiatrist dad came around to the conclusion that it probably wasn't the best environment for me to be growing up in, so he sent me to boarding school. And I haven't been home since.

Sam: Until now.

Mark:  For her funeral.

Andrew Largeman: Till now for her funeral.

Jesse:  I can't believe the retarded quarterback's a pill-popper.

(Sam and Large alone in front of the fireplace)

Sam: You're in it right now, aren't you?

Andrew Largeman: What do you mean?

Sam: My mom always says that when she can see... I'm, like, working something out in my head, she's like, "You're in it right now." And I'm lookin' at you, and you're...

telling me that story, and you're definitely in it right now.

Andrew Largeman:  I think you're right. I am in it. Okay. I mean, whatever. All right. Can we just change the subject, okay? Let's just... Let's just talk about good stuff.

Sam:  Good stuff?

Andrew Largeman: Yeah, like "glass half-full" shit. What do you got?

Sam:  Got a little buzz. Got that. What you got?

Andrew Largeman:  I got a little buzz goin'. And I like you. So there's that. I guess I have that.

(Mark, Sam and Large, while looking for Large’s farewell surprise)

Andrew Largeman: I think we've corrupted this innocent girl enough for one day!

Sam: I'm not innocent.

Andrew Largeman: Yes, you are. That's what I like about you, okay? And I don't want this guy taking you to some sketchy quarry in the middle of Newark to find crack whores huffing turpentine or pitbulls raping each other, or whatever else is down here!

Mark: Man, that's the most worked up I've ever seen you.

Sam: He's protecting me.

Andrew Largeman: So?

Sam: He likes me!

Andrew Largeman: Don't be cute.

Sam: He's my knight in shining armor.

Andrew Largeman: Don't talk about knights around Mark. It's a sore subject.

Mark: I'm gonna kill that motherfucker.

Andrew Largeman: Pun intended?

[From "Interior Ark - Part One" Deleted Scene on DVD]

Albert: Well, we think it's important.

Andrew: Why? What is it that you think you're going to find?

Albert: I don't know. Um, it's exciting. New frontiers are hard to come by these days. I guess... I guess I just like the idea of discovering something, of doing something that's completely unique, that's never been done before.

Andrew: Albert's Abyss.

Albert: Well, maybe. Who knows? But, uh, I used to think all that stuff mattered, that it would only matter if I could put my name on it, that somehow that would prove that I had lived, that I was here, you know? "I did that, that's mine, I got this plate on my travels," but you know what? That's all ego. None of that really matters. If, at the end of the day, I get to be with her, if... If I get to be with this person right here and our beautiful baby, then that's all I need. Just having felt that, if I die in an hour, I know I've lived.

Andrew: You know, my whole life I've had that same anxiety, that if I didn't, like, save something, or discover something, or...

Sam: Save something from being discovered?

Andrew: Yeah, you know, that I'll have somehow wasted my time here, and somewhere whatever force created us would resent me for it.

Albert: Well, I think that that force would rather remind you that breathing is all it takes to be a miracle.

(Andrew and Sam are talking in the bathtub)
Andrew Largeman: It’s funny, this umm, this necklace reminds me of this really random memory of my mother. I was a little kid, and I was crying for whatever reason, and she was cradling me, rocking me back and forth, and I can just remember the silver balls floating around. And there was, like, snot running down my nose, right? And she offered me her sleeve - and told me to blow my nose into it. And I can remember, even as a little kid, thinking to myself: This is love...this is love.

 ...

Andrew Largeman: Fuck, this hurts so much.

Sam: I know it hurts. But it's life, and it's real. And sometimes it fucking hurts, but it's life, and it's sorta all we have. How are you feelin'?

Andrew Largeman: Safe. When I'm with you I feel so safe. Like I'm home.

(Large goes to talk to his dad in the middle of the night) 

Andrew’s dad: I'm sure you can find lots of things in your life... that you can be angry about. But what I do not understand is why you're so angry at me. All I ever wanted was for everyone to be happy again. That's all I ever wanted.

Andrew Largeman:  When were we all ever happy, Dad? You always say that, but when was that? When was this time that we were all so happy? 'Cause I don't have it in my memory. Maybe if I did, I could help steer us back there. But I just... You know, you and I need to work on being okay, if that's not in the cards for us.

Andrew’s dad: Well, we might have a shot at it...if you can forgive yourself

for what you did.

Andrew Largeman: What I did. What I did. Okay, let's-let's do it. Okay, we're here, right? Le-Let's do it! I'm gonna forgive myself for what I did. Are you ready? I was a little boy, and somebody made a shitty latch. That's what I think. That's what I think about the whole thing, okay? And I'm not gonna take those drugs anymore. They left me completely fuckin' numb.  I have felt so fucking numb to everything I have experienced in my life, okay? And for that... For that, I'm here to forgive you. You always said all you wanted was for us to have whatever it is we wanted. Maybe what Mom wanted more than anything was for it to all be over.  And for me... what I want more than anything in the world is for it to be okay with you for me to feel something again. Even if it's pain.

Andrew’s dad: Well, you're going against your doctor's recommendation. That's a pretty weighty experiment to take on, don't you think?

Andrew Largeman:  This is my life, Dad.This is it. I spent 26 years waiting for something else to start. So, no, no, I don't think it's too much to take on... because it's

everything there is. I see now it's all there is. You and I are going to be okay. You know that, right? We may not be as happy as you always dreamed we would be, but… for the first time, let's just allow ourselves to be whatever it is we are. And that'll be better, okay? I think that'll be better.

(Large and Sam at the airport. They’re sitting on some stairs and he’s about to leave.)

Andrew Largeman: What are you thinking about?

Sam: You’re not coming back are you?

Andrew Largeman: Come on, Sam, of course I am.

Sam: You don’t realize this is good. This doesn’t happen often in your life, ya know? I mean this…we can work this stuff out. I want to help you, you know. We need each other. I haven’t even lied in like two days.

Andrew Largeman: Is that true?

Sam: No.

Andrew Largeman: Look, this isn’t a conversation about this being over. It’s… it’s…I’m not like putting a period at the end of this, you know. I’m putting like an ellipsis on it. Cause I’m worried that if I don’t go figure myself out, if I don’t go like land on my own two feet, I’m just gonna fuck this whole thing up. And this is too important. I gotta go, I gotta go… I fired my psychiatrist, I gotta go find a new one. Look, I’m gonna call you when I get there. I’m gonna call you…look at me. Look at me. You changed my life. You changed my life and I’ve known you four days. This is the beginning of something really big. But right now I gotta go. Come here. (Hugs and kisses her and then leaves)

(Sam is inside a phone booth crying desperately and Andrew finds her and opens the booth door)

Sam: what are you doing?

Andrew: You remember that idea I had about working stuff out on my own and then finding you once I had stuff figured out?

Sam: The ellipsis?

Andrew: Yeah, the ellipsis. It’s dumb. It’s dumb, it’s an awful idea and I’m not gonna do it, okay? Cause like you said this is it. This is life. And I’m in love with you, Samantha. I think that’s the only thing I’ve ever been really sure of my entire life. I’m really messed up right now and I got a whole lotta stuff I gotta work out, but I don’t wanna waste anymore of my life without you in it, okay?

Sam: Yeah.

Andrew: And I think I can do this. I mean I want to. I mean we have to right?

Sam: Yeah. Yes!

Andrew: So what do we do? What do we do?

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